We made a fine selection of the best cleaning quotes that you can find online, so you won’t have to! Feel free to share them on your social media profile, send them to your clients, friends or family or just use them to brighten your day. Grab a cup of coffee or tea, whichever you prefer, and enjoy the list! (just be careful not to spill it on your smartphones or keyboard. They are not that easy to clean – unless they’re waterproof, of course!)

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Before laughing (what we do)

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Funny Cleaning Quotes and Jokes

 

“First rule of house cleaning while listening to music: the toilet brush is never the microphone.”  

“Dust is a protective coating for fine furniture. — Mario Buatta”  

“Cleaning is just putting stuff in less obvious places”  

“Wow, honey, the house is so clean! Was the internet down for a while today?”  

Related: 33 cleaning memes for 2020  

 

“Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn’t done it.” – Evan Esar  

“Happiness: A freshly cleaned house.”  

“My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed party so I invited all her friends over and made them clean the house.”  

“You know what would make house cleaning more fun? A maid.”  

“My house was clean yesterday. Sorry you missed it!”  

“Housework can’t kill you but why take a chance.” – Phyllis Diller  

“I had to clean my house for two hours just to tell guests “Sorry about the mess!” “  

“Both of us can’t look good at the same time, it’s me or the house. “  

“Dear small line of dirt that won’t go into the dustpan I hate you with every part of my soul.”  

“Nothing inspires cleanliness more than an unexpected guest.” – Radhika Mundra  

“I clean when I’m frustrated. so if you show up unannounced and our house is clean… you might want to reconsider your visit.”  

“Instead of cleaning the house I just watch an episode of Hoarders and think, “well my house looks great!” “  

“I always clean before the cleaning lady comes. If not, when I come home, I can’t find anything. Cleaning ladies are always hiding things you leave out.” — Celia Cruz  

“There was no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn’t get any worse.” — Quentin Crisp  

“My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.” —Erma Bombeck  

“My idea of superwoman is someone who scrubs her own floors.” —Bette Midler  

“Just cleaned my whole house from top to bottom, so now I’m going to need everybody to stop living here.”  

“A bright person can always think of something better to do than housework. ” — Ruby Lou Barnhill  

“Why can’t the house clean itself? It seems to get dirty by itself.”  

“I have discovered the secret to a clean house: never let your children or husband enter it.”   

  “The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner.” – Roseanne Barr  

“Cleaning up with children around is like shoveling during a blizzard.” – Margaret Culkin Banning  

“You never know what you have, until you clean your room.”  

“It’s amazing how kids learn to use a computer, a smartphone, and even learn to drive a car. Yet have no concept of how to use a dishwasher, vacuum cleaner or lawnmower. “  

“Cleaning the house fascinates everyone in my family. They can sit and watch me for hours.”  

“Have you ever taken anything out of the clothes basket because it had become, relatively, the cleaner thing?” — Katherine Whitehorn  

“I get more cleaning done in the  10 minutes before someone comes over than I do in a week.”  

“Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. ” – Phyllis Diller  

“At 17, I went away to Pau in the south of France for a few months to study domestic science – including cleaning windows with newspaper and water – while living with a Catholic family with 10 children.” – Mary Berry  

“If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door, greet him with, “Who could have done this? We have no enemies.” ” — Phyllis Diller  

“I’m eighteen years behind in my ironing. There’s no use doing it now, it doesn’t fit anybody I know.” — Phyllis Diller  

“Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots.” — Hoosier Farmer  

“Housework is work directly opposed to the possibility of human self-actualization.” — Ann Oakley  

“I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.” — Joan Rivers  

“Housework is like cleaning fish. No matter how often you do it, it still stinks. ” – Thelma Harper  

“Our house is clean enough to be healthy, and dirty enough to be happy.” – unknown  

“A man thinks all dust stays outdoors.” – Ernest Vincent Wright  

“If you have debt I’m willing to bet that general clutter is a problem for you too.” — Suze Orman  

“My favorite way of getting out of doing chores is by acting like I’m asleep. But it never works.” — Devon Werkheiser  

“Nature abhors a vacuum. And so do I.” — Anne Gibbons  

“One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.” — A.A. Milne  

“It’s all in the attitude…housework is exercise. Slim your way to a clean home!” – Linda Solegato  

“I was going to clean the house, but then somebody commented on my status. “  

“When I say “I cleaned my room” I usually mean, I made a path from my door to my bed.”  

“Sweeping only moves the dust somewhere else.” Marty Rubin  

“A spotless house is a sign of a misspent life.” – unknown  

“Everybody wants to save the earth; no one wants to help mom do the dishes.” – P.J. O’Rourke  

“Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh since there is less cleaning up to do afterward.” – Kurt Vonnegut  

“Housekeeping ain’t no joke.” —Louisa May Alcott  

 

You can find more funny jokes and cleaning memes HERE.

 

Inspirational quotes

  “The objective of cleaning is not just to clean, but to feel happiness living within that environment.” Marie Kondo  

“Cleaning and organizing is a practice not a project.” Meagan Francis  

“Your home is living space, not storage space.” – Francine Jay  

“A clean place is a safe place.”  

“Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else; this is not a piece of advice, it is merely a custom.” —Mark Twain  

“The way to get started is to quit talking and start doing.” – Walt Disney  

“For every minute spent on organizing, an hour is earned.” – Benjamin Franklin  

“No pressure, no diamonds.”  

“Impossible is for the unwilling.”  

 

Philosophical Cleaning Quotes

“For a woman to get a rewarding sense of total creation by way of the multiple monotonous chores that are her daily lot would be as irrational as for an assembly line worker to rejoice that he had created an automobile because he tightened a bolt. “—Edith Mendel Stern  

“Cleaning anything involves making something else dirty, but anything can get dirty without something else getting clean.” – Laurence J. Peter  

“At worst, a house unkept cannot be so distressing as a life unlived.” – Rose Macaulay  

“We are used to cleaning the outside house, but the most important house to clean is yourself – your own house – which we never do.” – Marina Abramovic  

“The stuff you own has to help you create the life you want. And if it doesn’t, why is it in your home?” – Peter Walsh  

 

Sources: Wise Old Sayings, BrainyQuote, Maid Sailors, Psychology Today

If you are looking for more inspiration and funny cleaning quotes and jokes go and check out our latest post on cleaning memes!

We also suggest you should check out our list of top HVAC memes in 2020.

Need more than laughter and inspiration?

 

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